295. The Hayden Orpheum

England had just lost to South Africa in the Rugby World Cup Final and I’d been up since 4am to catch it live on TV. It seems that almost every international sporting tournament is held in a different time zone and that’s something that Australians hate. Oh well, at least they can watch the Beijing Olympics at a reasonable time.

Anyway, I was knackered but since the sun had started to blaze through the living room window and the Channel Ten weatherman promised another 30C day, I thought that trying to get a couple of hours sleep now would be difficult and pointless. I wasn’t in the mood to go to the beach and seeing me settle down with my laptop for a World of Warcraft session, Isla suggested that at the very least we go out to the cinema.

I thought that sounded fair enough but instead of going to the usual run of the mill place up in Chatswood she informed me that we would be visiting the Orpheum in Cremorne instead. She’d been raving about this place since about a month after our arrival in Oz but I’d never managed to get myself down to that neck of the woods for the purposed of watching a film.

OK, so there’s nothing new about seeing a movie at the cinema but this place was a bit different to your average Odeon. It was originally opened in 1935 and at the time was supposed to be one of the best places in Australia to see the “Talkies”. It fell into disrepair later in the century which I guess was common everywhere and anyone that ever visited the old ABC Cinema on Sauchiehall St knows what I’m talking about. However, a philanthropist called Mike Walsh OBE (strange last name that – Obe! Don’t know why it’s always in upper case!) refurbished the whole place in 1987 to look the original cinema.

If you like your art deco then this place is heaven. The colours, fittings and lighting make you feel like you’re in the 1930’s or 40’s and the even the “Candy Bar” and the ushers outfits are designed in a way that lends itself to making you think you’re an extra in Pearl Harbour. Perhaps that’s why we were the youngest people in there and there was probably and average age of 78. Actually, I was sure we wouldn’t get in because we didn’t have a purple rinse or a OAP bus pass.

I have to say that I thought it was all a bit of a gimmick. I go to the cinema for ultra-comfy chairs, massive screens and surround sound, and if I’m feeling a bit naughty, then some pick and mix. This joint had none of that and that’s when I realise why all it’s patrons are a mosquito’s ball-hair off pushing up daisies – they weren’t there for the film, they were there to be reminded of “the good old days” when there were nowt but trees!

I wonder if I’ll be like that when I’m older? Will I purposefully go to the run down UCG Cinema which doesn’t have “full-immersion retinal implant vision” and “direct channel cochlear 9.1 intra-aural stereo”? And will I say things like “You know, popcorn used to be made of real corn,” and “do you remember that drink called Pepsi?”