233 – 267. Great Ocean Road Trip

233. Flight – Sydney to Melbourne Again Isla and I had some annual leave and we were eager to go somewhere new in Australia. The pin hit the map on Melbourne and we thought “that’d be a good plan” so we booked ourselves on a flight and headed out to Victoria. After some deliberation our plan was to do the Great Ocean Road and then spend some time in Melbourne followed by a flight to Perth in Western Australia for 4 days.

So we got on the plane and flew down south. Anyone from outside the UK who has flown to Glasgow Prestwick Airport thinking it was in Glasgow or London Stanstead Airport expecting it to be in London knows what I mean when I say we flew to Melbourne Avalon airport which is in Geelong about 100km from Melbourne. Ironically our first night was supposed to be in spent in Geelong with our friend Laura but when we arrived in Avalon we realised that we had to get on a bus for an hour back into Melbourne to pick up our rental campervan.

We boarded the “Sunbus” which took us back into the city of Melbourne which unfortunately meant that we had to put up with the monotone dribblings of the driver called Mike or Paul or Dave or something else equally biblically forgettable – “if you look to the left you’ll see some black tarpaulin which has some brand cars underneath it… if you look to the right the tarpaulins over that petrol station are sails from the World Expo in 1998.” They love their tarpaulin here.

Thankfully we were in Melbourne before I used my own tongue to hang myself in order to get away from the drivers rubbish suicide-inducing chat. During our travels in Queensland we had seen loads of people driving around in mini-vans with the name “Wicked Campers” emblazoned on the front and we decided that if we were going to driver around Victoria and the Great Ocean Road then a Wicked Camper would be the way to do it. Therefore, the reason that we were travelling all the way back to Melbourne was to pick up our van that we had booked for 5 days to use while exploring the Great Ocean Road.

After getting off the bus with more relief than Africa after Band Aid we made our way to Melbourne’s Wicked Campers HQ and picked up our first ever 234. Campervan. It really was a POS and I remember thinking “they looked a lot cooler from the outside” but none the less it was going to be our companion for the next few days so we might as well enjoy it. It had no frills at all, essentially consisting of a table and chairs that folded down to be the bed and a few storage cupboards. There was also a sink and portable gas stove but hee haw else. We were glad we had the option to park at the side of the road every night if we wanted but liking our creature comforts too much forced us to book into caravan parks so we could at least have a shower. Not exactly the outback experience more adventurous types would be looking for.

With that we headed back down the Princess Highway to 235. Geelong to meet up with Laura. Once we arrived in Geelong we had several hours to kill before Laura got off work so we spent our time shopping in the local mall.

It wasn’t long before we were getting the tour of Laura’s house. Soon her boyfriend turned up and we were on our way to the local booze shop where we picked up some brilliant wine which we would drink in a lovely restaurant that specialised in Balinese cuisine. This wasn’t food… it was heavenly.The restaurant had started 5 years ago by a husband and wife team and the result was the most amazing meal Isla and I have ever eaten. In fact this entry should have two entries 1. Balinese Food and 2. The best food I’ve ever eaten… but I guess that’s cheating so I’ll just go with 236. Balinese Food.


So after a night at Laura’s home we headed to a place called 237. Barwon Heads where for breakfast and ate the most amazing omelette’s that you’ve ever seen. Unfortunately it was far too soon before it was hugs all round and we found ourselves in the van en route to the Great Ocean Road. With that we were in a quandary – we realised that we had a major job to undertake and that was the naming of the van.

It took a while to come to a result but it started with the fact that the van handled like a whale so we called it “Moby Dick” then it became “Moby” but when I told someone in a campsite that it actually handled like a boat it became “HMS Adventure” and after watching it fail to take a single Great Ocean Road corner without our stuff being flung around the back like a maraca it became “HMS Battle Rattle”.

After we left Laura we started our Great Ocean Road journey at 238. Torquay. We thought of the place as a bit of a dive but it mainly signified the start of our trip so we ignored it’s crapness. If I was a surfer I’m sure I’d be upset but since I’m not I dismissed this thought and got on the road again without a second over-the-shoulder glance.

Moving on we went to a place called 239. Jan Juc which isn’t really famous for anything except that there is a beautiful 3km walk from Jan Juc to 240. Bell’s Beach. I loved the walk but I spent every second thinking that Keanu Reeves was going to jump out the bushes at any point shouting, “I caught my first tube today,” or Nick Frost was going to be hiding behind a tree saying “have you ever shot your gun in the air and shouted… Arrrrrgh!?”

The surfing Mecca that is Bells Beach was a bit of a disappointment. There were plenty of people in the water riding the surf but the weather was pretty dreadful and that would set the tone for the rest of the Ocean Road trip. It was like the 50 year storm knew we were coming and was getting itself warmed up for our arrival. None the less it made the scenery very dramatic and I would hasten a guess that those sort of conditions are the best way to see the south coast of Victoria. I thought the torrential sleet shower we drove through though was a nice touch if not a bit excessive.

After Bells Beach we reached the start of 241. The Great Ocean Road proper which entailed about 285 km of picturesque road skirting the south Victoria coast. In fact it was built after the First World War as Australia’s answer to Calafornia’s Pacific Coast Highway and while not as famous it is as equally beautiful.

242. Lorne was our first stop and it coincided with a break in the weather and while we strolled the glorious beach we were treated to the most wondrous sight imaginable as a brilliant rainbow reached out of the clouds and touched the hotel at the end of the pier. Strangely I later spotted an identical scene in a Great Ocean Road book of photography so it made me realise that these occurrences are par for the course.

A few kms down the coast found us driving on a dirt track (don’t tell the camper company) called Grey Street in a place called 243.Kennett River where one of Isla’s friends had told us we had a good chance of seeing 244. Koalas in the Wild which sure enough we did. In fact there was so many of them here that within a short 200m walk we spotted about a dozen, some so close to the trail that you could almost touch them. Of course there was eucalyptus trees everywhere and the smell of them was almost overpowering.

We left the koalas behind and continued driving along the stunning coastline where the rain continued to batter HMS Battle-Rattle. She wasn’t exactly sea worthy so we pulled up in 245. Apollo Bay and regrouped. The beach here was incredible and the constant pounding of the waves were rhythmically hypnotic. As the rain increased in it’s fury we came to the conclusion that we should pull into one of the camp sites and batten down the hatches for the night. So with that we had our 246. First Australian campsite experience at the Pisces Caravan Resort. Even though the van was sheltered by a bank of trees it didn’t stop the wind rocking us to sleep although we would be woken up every 30mins or so with huge amounts of precipitation hammering on our roof.

We were up early the next morning and an invigorating hot then cold then hot then cold campsite shower did nothing for our bleary eyes and aching bones and bruised muscles. The temperature had dropped dramatically overnight and had we not brought an extra duvet with us I’m sure we would have frozen to death on our rock hard bed.

Leaving Apollo Bay we headed into Otway National Park where our first stop was the 247. Otway Lighthouse which was bravely perched on a bit of blustery headland indicating to sailors the treacherous waters off the coast. We did the self guided tour round the old lighthouse residencies which gave a good insight to the lives of the people who had lived and worked in the miniscule community. After that we climbed the lighthouse itself which afforded us some great views of the churning water below.

We headed back into the National Park again and had a short stop at 248. Castle Cove where many dinosaur remains have been found. We, of course, didn’t see any Tyrannosaurus Rexes and since the wind was picking up again we made our way inland to the 249. Otway Fly Treetop Walk where a huge amount of elevated catwalks allow patrons to walk amongst the canopy and see the local flora and fauna. That said there seemed to be none of the latter and although the height of the walk-ways were exhilarating there really seemed no other point to them. I don’t think we saw a single bird or animal so when the dark clouds started closing in again we decided to leave the canopy and head for, ironically, lower ground.

Now people outside of Australia might not have heard about the Great Ocean Road but a great deal more will have heard about the 12 Apostles which are a famous group of rock formations visible from the road. In fact there are actually 11 now as one collapsed a few years ago (but they’ve not changed any of the signs yet!). These rocky outcrops became the main theme of the next 50km or so and after a while we got a bit bored of them all so here’s a short list of the remaining visual spectacles we stopped at without all the bumf.

250. Gibson Steps
251. Twelve (Eleven) Apostles
252. Sherbrooke Blowhole
253. Sherbrooke Thunder Cave
254. Broken Heads.

Once we were all formationed-out we dropped into 255. Port Campbell where we decided to spent the night in another caravan park. The weather was looking bad again so we decided to treat ourselves to a proper meal and found ourselves in “Splash” restaurant which was a seafood place that was celebrating its opening night of the season. Despite that they seemed to be on top of things and my Surf n’ Turf and Isla’s ling were cooked to perfection.

Another rain battered night in the van then we were on the road again. There were a few more of the rocky formations to see and we gritted out teeth in the face of increasingly appalling weather and saw…

256. The Arch
257. London Bridge
258. The Grotto

Isla had well and truly given up the ghost by this point and my insistence to make a final stop at 259. The Bay of Martyrs was the final straw. We drove the final section of the Ocean Road in relative silence as the racket from the driving rain and wind threatened to deafen us and blow us off the tarmac respectively.

We pulled over at 260. Allansford Cheeseworld which all in all was a bit pointless. The tiny museum was dull and hardly worth a look but the little shop selling chutneys, wine and cheeses was quite cute and we picked up some lovely goats cheese and a small block of walnut cheddar with the obligatory box of crackers. A bottle of 261. Yahoo Creek 2002 Shiraz was purchased to washed down the cheese and biscuits but when we opened it that night it smelt corked and there was so much sediment in the bottle that I think it had probably been sitting on that same shelf in Cheeseworld since 2002.

262. Warrnambool was the next stop and we had originally planned to spend the night here but about an hour of walking around the town centre gave us cause enough to high tail it out of the grotty town and make our way to the more picturesque village of 263. Port Fairy. Arriving there we stopped for lunch in 264. The Caledonian Inn which is affectionally known as “the Stump” and is famed for the fact that it’s the longest continually licensed pub in Victoria.

A warm bowl of pumpkin soup later and we were back in the van driving round the town with a gradual realisation that there was very little to do here as well. So we pulled into another caravan park and settled in for the night. We had purchased a ridiculous difficult 1000 piece jigsaw of the Duomo Cathedral in Warrnambool earlier which we struggled with until our candles spluttered and went out. That was the signal for an early night.

We had the van for one more night and we were unsure what to do as we had seen the whole of the Ocean Road but would unlikely have time to see anything further a field as the van had to be back in Melbourne by 10am the next morning. We scrutinised the maps and guide book and decided just to fly down the Princes Highway and find somewhere close to the city to spend the night.

We stopped in at 265. Logan’s Beach just outside Warrnambool which is a reputed whale nursery. There is a long viewing platform to see the whales and their calves but despite it still being the calving season we didn’t see a single fin or blowhole.

The only place we stopped on the Highway was a small town called 266. Colac where we bought some petrol and drove up to Lake Colac where we parked for a lunch of ham and brie sandwiches which involved some very hard stale bread and flocks of petulant and boisterous seagulls. Despite parking with the main door on the leeward side we had to keep it shut to prevent the gulls helping themselves to our meal. Ironically all we were doing in the van was eating and playing gin rummy but the other occupants of the lake car park were all elderly couples whom all kept staring at the van and shaking their heads. Although from the looks on their faces I’m sure they thought we were smoking joints and indulging in S&M activities behind our closed sliding door.

We left the brown, uninspiring lake and continued the rest of the way to our final destination which was 267. Queenscliff. This used to be one of the seaside resorts that folk would frequent during the summer months a hundred years ago but now it doesn’t really have anything to attract people from the city for more that just a day trip. One thing it does have is an amazing fish and chip shop which we bough battered barramundi and red emperor from and ate at the pier. There was unfortunately far too many mosquitoes so we ended up trapped in the van pretending that we were sitting on the boardwalk. We spend the night in the “Big 4” caravan park which deserves special mention because it was the only place we stayed in that had 2 ply toilet roll. None of that single ply grease proof see though nonsense here!

The next morning marked the end of our trip round the Great Ocean Rd and all we had left to do was to drive back into Melbourne and dump the van back at the Wicked garage… which we did.